It's been a while since I lasted update myself here, well, I left the company I work and looking for a new job, well, this time around took longer than I used to, I had applied for few places but none of them quite replying me. so I am worry again, the anxiety is gone because I know I where I want to be. This is a new transition for me, and that's the main reason why I am being anxious and fear of all the time because I am not used to it, I had been studying and holidaying in 18 years, and now I am officially stepping into the society now, yes you may be advice me to continue study but I just don't wanna waste my parents money anymore, It is time for me to step and look at the world, yes I maybe scare again, but this is reality, you have to step in even though you don't want to. me and Vince had been not seeing each other so much anymore, I still remember I was complaining him being elephant glue (meant super clingy) but now I miss him even more day by day, that makes me even anxious and not used it, the routine is different and I have to deal with it, I need time, need more time to getting use to the transition and new routine, it was scary, I feeling anxious and losing appetite almost whole day, can't eat well and feeling scare, cried for few times before heading to bed, blaming my parents not wanting to listen how I really feel about it right now but in the end I choose to face it and deal it all by myself, I may sound silly but let me tell you anxiety issue is not a joke, do not laugh at people who going through that phase, because you never know your word maybe lead them to where they don't want to go (suicide or death).

I feel so negative and tired, it's exhausting I can say, I never knew having anxiety issue can be so bad, it's not easy to pull yourself out from that negative black hole, everyday,every night, everyday minutes and second you just have not non-stop telling yourself you are going to be alright although is not going to be easy, I pour my heart out here tonight, right now... I didn't get myself to a therapist because I believe I can get through it, I have my family,Vince and my friends here supporting me no matter what, I thought I am a positive person who spread positive energy all the time but I am really not lately, I feel so negative, I never felt so negative before, even after I applied for jobs with no reply in few days I would be panic, I am afraid to end up a job that I don't like again, it is really scary,hopeless and mind fuck I tell you.

But now I am through that phase, I guess? at least I am not that negative and hopeless now, I just going to let things go and see how it goes, am I doing this right? and whoever is reading this, I don't know where you from,I don't know who you are, but please,pray for me and wish me good luck ok? I am kinda done blogging here, will updates you guys more soon within this week! I am running a online business now, I am selling branded cosmetic like Urban Decay Naked eyeshadow palette and Korea well known cosmetic name 3ce (3 Eyes Concepts), you guys can drop by to my page and have a look, just click that link it will lead you to my page :)